What If We Disagree About Parenting Arrangements During Divorce In Victoria?





What If We Disagree About Parenting Arrangements During Divorce in Victoria?


What If We Disagree About Parenting Arrangements During Divorce in Victoria?

Professional Introduction (First Person)
As a family law professional, I’ve seen firsthand how stressful and emotional it can be when parents disagree about parenting arrangements during separation. Divorce itself is challenging, but when you add conflict about where the children will live, how time will be shared, or who will make important decisions, it can feel overwhelming. Many people assume that the divorce process automatically sorts out parenting arrangements, but that’s not how it works in Victoria. In this article, I’ll guide you through what happens when parents can’t agree, the legal processes involved, and the steps you can take to protect your children’s wellbeing — and your own peace of mind — throughout the journey.

Table of Contents

Separation, Divorce and Parenting: Three Separate Issues

Many people assume that separation, divorce and parenting orders all happen at the same time. In reality, Australian family law treats them as three separate legal issues:

  • Separation – the end of the relationship
  • Divorce – formally and legally ending the marriage
  • Parenting arrangements – establishing where the children live and how decisions are made

This means you can negotiate parenting arrangements:

  • before divorce,
  • during the divorce process, or
  • after the divorce is finalised.

Your divorce will only be granted if the Court is satisfied that proper arrangements exist for children under 18 — but the divorce order itself will not decide those arrangements.

Does Divorce Decide Parenting Arrangements?

No. Divorce does not sort out parenting arrangements.

Instead, parents must reach a separate agreement about:

  • who the children live with
  • how much time they spend with each parent
  • how major decisions (health, education, religion) are made
  • holiday and special occasion arrangements
  • communication and handovers

If you disagree on any of this, a clear process exists to help parents resolve disputes — either through negotiation, mediation or, if necessary, court intervention.

Why Parents Often Disagree About Parenting After Separation

Disagreement is extremely common. Separation is a major emotional transition, and different parenting styles, misunderstandings, fear, guilt or anger can all influence decisions.

Parents often disagree about:

  • How much time the children should spend with each parent
  • Whether a shared-care arrangement is suitable
  • Where the children should go to school
  • Travel between homes
  • New partners or living arrangements
  • Safety concerns, family violence or substance misuse
  • Relocation or long-distance travel

Most disagreements are solvable outside court — as long as both parents are willing to engage in constructive discussion.

Step 1: Direct Discussion and Informal Negotiation

Some separated parents can resolve disagreements simply by talking openly, calmly and respectfully. If both parents communicate well and have a shared focus on their children’s needs, an informal agreement can work.

When doing this, it helps to discuss:

  • The children’s routines
  • Schooling and activities
  • Each parent’s work schedule
  • Transport and handovers
  • Holidays and special days
  • How decisions will be shared

Informal agreements can be a starting point and may later be formalised into a Parenting Plan or Consent Orders.

Step 2: Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) / Mediation

If you can’t reach agreement on your own, the next step is usually Family Dispute Resolution (FDR), commonly known as mediation.

Mediation is:

  • a structured discussion guided by an independent professional
  • child-focused and solution-oriented
  • confidential
  • required by law before you can apply to court (in most cases)

You can attend mediation through providers such as:

  • Relationships Australia
  • Family Relationship Centres
  • Private mediators
  • Community mediation services

The mediator helps parents identify issues, explore options and reach an agreement that works for everyone — especially the children.

The Importance of the Section 60I Certificate

If mediation is unsuccessful or not appropriate, the practitioner issues a Section 60I Certificate.

This certificate is required if you want to apply to the Court for parenting orders. It shows the Court that:

  • you made a genuine effort to resolve the matter, or
  • mediation was attempted but unsuccessful, or
  • mediation was inappropriate due to family violence or risk.

You cannot start court proceedings for parenting orders without this certificate unless an exemption applies.

Step 3: Parenting Plans – A Flexible Written Agreement

If parents reach agreement at mediation, they can put it in writing as a Parenting Plan.

A Parenting Plan:

  • is a written agreement signed and dated by both parents
  • sets out the parenting arrangements clearly
  • is flexible and can be changed if both parents agree

However, Parenting Plans are not legally enforceable. If either parent breaches the plan, there is no legal penalty unless the plan has been converted to Consent Orders.

If both parents agree on arrangements and want them to be enforceable, they can apply for Consent Orders.

Consent Orders:

  • are approved by the Court
  • carry the same legal weight as orders made by a judge
  • provide security and clarity
  • protect parents and children from future disputes

Most parenting disputes are resolved through Consent Orders without ever needing to go to a hearing.

Step 5: Court Proceedings if No Agreement Is Possible

If negotiation and mediation fail, the next step is applying to the Court for Parenting Orders.

You may apply to the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia for orders about:

  • who the children live with
  • how much time they spend with each parent
  • how decisions are made
  • education and medical issues
  • holidays or overseas travel
  • communication between parents and children
  • restrictions needed for safety

Court should be the last resort — but it is sometimes necessary where conflict is high or safety is a concern.

How the Court Decides Parenting Arrangements

The Court does not take sides. Its only job is to determine what arrangements are in the best interests of the child.

The Court may consider evidence such as:

  • Family Reports from psychologists or social workers
  • Parenting capacity assessments
  • Medical or school documents
  • Witness statements
  • History of involvement in the child’s life
  • Any family violence orders

Every decision is made child-by-child, family-by-family.

Understanding the “Best Interests of the Child” Test

This is the central principle in Australian family law. The Court considers two primary factors:

  • the benefit to the child of having a meaningful relationship with both parents
  • the need to protect the child from physical or psychological harm

Safety always comes first.

The Court then considers additional factors including:

  • the child’s views (depending on age and maturity)
  • the child’s relationship with each parent
  • each parent’s capacity to meet the child’s needs
  • the practicality of proposed arrangements
  • any history of family violence
  • the impact of conflict
  • the child’s stability, schooling and routine

No outcome is predetermined — the Court tailors orders to the child’s specific circumstances.

What If Family Violence or Safety Concerns Are Involved?

If there are concerns about family violence, neglect, coercive control or substance misuse, the Court takes these matters extremely seriously.

In these situations, the Court may order:

  • supervised time
  • restrictions on communication
  • drug or alcohol testing
  • safe changeover locations
  • protective conditions
  • in high-risk cases, no time with a parent

The goal is always to protect the child while supporting healthy, safe relationships where possible.

Do Children Have a Say in Parenting Disputes?

Children do not choose where they live, but their views are considered.

Their opinions may be conveyed through:

  • a Family Report
  • a psychologist or counsellor
  • an Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL)

Older teenagers’ views are often given considerable weight, but the Court always balances their wishes with safety and long-term welfare.

How Long Do Parenting Disputes Take?

The timeline varies widely:

  • Informal negotiation: days to weeks
  • Mediation: 1–3 months
  • Consent Orders: 4–8 weeks
  • Court proceedings: 12–24 months (sometimes longer)

This is why negotiation and mediation are strongly encouraged — they are much faster, cheaper and less stressful.

Practical Tips for Navigating Parenting Conflict

If you’re in disagreement with your ex-partner, here are some practical steps:

  • Stay child-focused — ask what arrangement truly benefits your child, not your pride or frustration.
  • Document everything — communication, incidents, schedules and agreements.
  • Avoid involving the children — they should not be messengers or negotiators.
  • Be respectful in communication — courts review emails and messages.
  • Consider counselling — for you or the children.
  • Don’t delay getting legal advice — early support can prevent bigger problems.

Final Thoughts

Disagreeing about parenting arrangements during divorce is one of the most stressful experiences a parent can go through — but you don’t have to face it alone. Whether you’re dealing with communication issues, high conflict, safety concerns or uncertainty about your legal options, help is available. By understanding the process and focusing on what’s best for your children, you can work toward stable, safe and positive arrangements.

If you’re unsure what steps to take next or need support navigating a parenting disagreement, the team at Call A Family Lawyer can guide you through mediation, negotiation, consent orders or court proceedings to help you achieve a fair and child-focused outcome.